Dear father.

When I was young,
I was waiting every night
for you to come home.

But now when I am older
It’s hard to stay sober
and not think about how things could be
if all of this wasn’t for me.


Nothing is okay.

There’s nothing okay.
And I don’t think it’ll ever be.
A little light is what I want to see.
All I have is nothing.
And nothing is okay.

You didn’t understand?
It’s all getting out of hand.
And my hand..
Oh God, it’s getting worse.
I need nurse, I need nurse.
But all I have is nothing.
And nothing is okay.

Not okay for me,
But okay for them all.
So let’s build a wall, let’s build a wall.
This is my last call.

Maybe I just don’t deserve to relax…


It’s been a while since I’ve posted something, but still – hey!

I’m so tired. I don’t even know why. Maybe because it’s winter time and it’s cold? .. But I like winter. I like that freezing feeling. So what is going on, you may ask? I didn’t relax in a long time. I used to like it, I really did. But something changed it. And that little something, called anxiety btw., is controling my life now…

Continue reading “Maybe I just don’t deserve to relax…”