Dear father.

When I was young,
I was waiting every night
for you to come home.

But now when I am older
It’s hard to stay sober
and not think about how things could be
if all of this wasn’t for me.

Nothing is okay.

There’s nothing okay.
And I don’t think it’ll ever be.
A little light is what I want to see.
All I have is nothing.
And nothing is okay.

What?
You didn’t understand?
It’s all getting out of hand.
And my hand..
Oh God, it’s getting worse.
I need nurse, I need nurse.
But all I have is nothing.
And nothing is okay.

Not okay for me,
But okay for them all.
So let’s build a wall, let’s build a wall.
This is my last call.

The one

How amazing would be
to hear your voice,
that sound,
that beautiful noise
again.

I would be pleased,
if this was the last thing I would hear
not my insecurities, not my fear.

Sounds like something I really need
..but all I have is my slow heart beat.
Right now, right here
I’m closing my eyes
to be the one who dies.

I didn’t fall in love on purpose

I didn’t fall in love on purpose.
It just doesn’t work this way.
I would rather climb mountains
than keep you here to stay.

I loved you
and I still love you now.
But I need to forget..
I have to .. but I don’t know how.

I didn’t fall in love on purpose.
Trust me, my mind is a mess.
I wouldn’t mind so much
if “the one” was someone else.

Maybe I just don’t deserve to relax…

Hey.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted something, but still – hey!

I’m so tired. I don’t even know why. Maybe because it’s winter time and it’s cold? .. But I like winter. I like that freezing feeling. So what is going on, you may ask? I didn’t relax in a long time. I used to like it, I really did. But something changed it. And that little something, called anxiety btw., is controling my life now…

Continue reading “Maybe I just don’t deserve to relax…”