Cigarette full of anxiety

Hey!

So.. my anxiety got worse (again). And since I have no therapist and I can’t go to any, I did something I didn’t do in a really long time – smoking.

It’s just a one little cigarette. It won’t hurt me. Well, but it did. My diagnose was clear: addictive personality ..and I am also escaping into my own world. And cigarettes does both of those things for me. It’s addiction and I don’t act like I normally do after I smoke them. It’s not like I’m high or something. It’s just the “I don’t know where I am right now” type of feeling. And to be honest? It scares me. I am scared of myself – and this scares me even more.

I don’t want to be this person anymore.
But it’s just one box of cigaretts.
Nothing more or nothing less.

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