It’s been a while since I’ve posted something, but still – hey!
I’m so tired. I don’t even know why. Maybe because it’s winter time and it’s cold? .. But I like winter. I like that freezing feeling. So what is going on, you may ask? I didn’t relax in a long time. I used to like it, I really did. But something changed it. And that little something, called anxiety btw., is controling my life now…
Everytime I try just a little, my anxiety stops me:
You don’t deserve to relax. Relax makes you happy and you don’t deserve to be happy. Stop it. Don’t do it. You will regret it. You’re not worth it.
But, anxiety, what if I don’t want to hear you? What if I just want to be happy and don’t want to be under your control? Because just beacause of you my life is not the same anymore. I used to be that happy girl. And you took all my happiness, my hope..
But I didn’t. You did. I am you, remember? Don’t you even try to put all the shame on me. Because what is happening in your life is no one’s but your fault.
Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should put all the shame on me. And maybe I don’t deserve to relax.. because I am not sure if I deserve to live.